you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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