Do you still have your period?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
