I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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