Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
