I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
