I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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