Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
