He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
