I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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