Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
