Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize