Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
