hell yes lets make some ravioli
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
