I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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