yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
The Olympian is in my bed
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