i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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