well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
