I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
