What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
