dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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