There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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