Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
