Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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