We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
soo... how was my night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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