I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
