I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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