So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
