he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
