Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
