I want you more than these girls want KFC
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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