So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
