Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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