...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
