I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
