I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
