I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
