So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
