you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
