im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize