Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
