My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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