You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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