i barfeds in our rink
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
