walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
