i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize