so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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