take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
