Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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