you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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