first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
