So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
