I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize