I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
