no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
