well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
