currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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