hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
