I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
