There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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