talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
