Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
