I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
