I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
