we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
