Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
