It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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