i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
