ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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