just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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