So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
