I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
