Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
