That's when you crack a 10am beer
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
