Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
