Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
