Apparently you make a good broom.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
