she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize