my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
