everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
