guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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