he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Watching her eat just hurts me
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
