I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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