made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
