in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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