my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
