there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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