ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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