If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
