i can't believe i had my finger in that
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
