piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
