Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
