In the future we'll all be gay
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
