nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
