Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
